Have to make a decision and Need prayers on this one

[oldkoot]

Some of you may know this and some may not but since 2011 my wife which was my girlfriend at the time she was diagnosed as being in early stages of dementia, I have been taking care of her ever since i have been her in home care giver, April of 2019 she was struck by a hit and run driver and it literally accelerated her dementia 10 fold even after being hit by the hit and run driver she was doing really good up until 2021 and then another traumatic event happened she has steadily gone down hill since then, to where she can no longer do anything for herself at all it has gotten to the point I am going to have to make a decision whether I continue taking care of her or I put her in a long term care facility which I told her I would never do (I do Love her) but her dementia is taking its toll on me also

as a man I was always taught you pull your boot straps up and do what needs to be done and you do not cry about it, you take care of your family, but let me tell you I have been crying a awful lot here the past months where I literally set down against a wall on the floor and break down because I have no help in caring for her and I just cannot do it any longer as it is affecting my health in the worst of ways, watching her loose a piece of herself every day it is a slow death not only for the person that has dementia but also for the people around that person, I know I am not the only one going through this with someone they love but I will tell you it is one hell of a lonely feeling when you have no one to talk to or to turn to when you need help and cant continue on, night time is the worst because she has what is known in the world of dementia as Sun downers Syndrome, with sun downers syndrome the person with dementia literally is seeing things that are not there and literally is talking to things that are not there this is an every night occurrence rite now for my wife, i am lucky if I get an hour to close my eyes each day

I need Prayers and would appreciate any and all at this time because honestly I really do not know how much more I can take of what is going on at this time in my life with my wife

 

[KSDfisher77]

Prayers Sent!

 

[still looking 52]

Sounds to me like you've gone more than the extra mile.
I would advise you to put her in a long care facility, they are suited to handle these situations.

 

[MuddyMo]

I will have you in my nightly prayers.
Dementia is a terrible disease, I feel for those having to deal with it and even more without others to help.
It sounds like you know what you have to do but when is what you’re struggling with. I hope your prayers for an answer are answered.

 

[oldkoot]

Thank you all for the prayers @KSDfisher77, @MuddyMo

@still looking 52 thank you for the response

@MuddyMo you are correct I know what I need to do, it is just really hard to do, I know when I do what I need to it will be the end for her and that's the hard thing I am struggling with its just heart breaking

You are also correct that dementia is probably the worst disease that anyone would have to ever deal with, it is one disease I would not wish on my worst enemy

 

[Jim in Idaho]

After reading this, I told my wife if I ever get that bad to just put me in a care facility, and get on with her life, and NOT to feel guilty about doing so. Bad enough one person's life gets destroyed. No reason for another to be dragged along. You've done an heroic job of caring for her up to this point. She'll probably be served as well, or even better by professionals. At some point your welfare is as important as hers. All real men feel they can cure every problem. it's built into our DNA. But sometimes you simply can't. It's sad, but true.
Jim

 

[oldkoot]

After reading this, I told my wife if I ever get that bad to just put me in a care facility, and get on with her life, and NOT to feel guilty about doing so. Bad enough one person's life gets destroyed. No reason for another to be dragged along. You've done an heroic job of caring for her up to this point. She'll probably be served as well, or even better by professionals. At some point your welfare is as important as hers. All real men feel they can cure every problem. it's built into our DNA. But sometimes you simply can't. It's sad, but true.
Jim

@Jim in Idaho that's why I am struggling with my decision is when she was first Diagnosed with Dementia i promised her I would always be there to take care of her as long as I was alive, and now its gotten to the point I cant any more, I know its guilt on my part because of my promise to her, I feel like I am breaking my promise to her which I never have ever broke a promise I make to someone especially my wife, as I told MuddyMo I know what I need to do and if I do not do what I need to do it will be the end of myself, I just do not know if I can live with the guilt of breaking the promise I made to her

I know that I am the only one that can make the decision I need to make, I just do not know if I can make that decision and thus the reason I requested for some prayers and some divine intervention to help me, with my decision in this, I have been praying night and day and just never seem to get an answer so I gave in and posted up this thread as hard as it was for me

 

[oldkoot]

I am the type of person that when ask how I am I always answer I am fine but honestly I am no longer fine I am hurting inside and struggling, with everything rite now not finances but just personally mentally and emotionally struggling, I feel lost and I feel like I have let my wife down.

 

[KENNE-BILL]

From my perspective letting a long term care facility care for your wife is itself a form of you caring for her, feeling like you're abandoning her would be natural but I would imagine that would pass with time knowing she's receiving quality care. Best wishes to you and your wife!

 

[Mike from MI "Iron Brigade"]

We recently went through this with my mother in law. We took care of her as long as we could, till we felt that the people who are trained to do this could do a better job. Once she was in the nursing home my father in law visited her daily and we were there almost every day as well. She is with the Lord now, but we know that we did what was best for her. Like it was mentioned above, taking her there is a for of caring for her. Do you think she would want your health to decline? Posting here was the first step in moving forward. May God give you wisdom in your decision. Feel free to stop here anytime and request prayers. We are here for you. I will be praying often for you and her. God bless.

 

[C.J.M.]

Some of you may know this and some may not but since 2011 my wife which was my girlfriend at the time she was diagnosed as being in early stages of dementia, I have been taking care of her ever since i have been her in home care giver, April of 2019 she was struck by a hit and run driver and it literally accelerated her dementia 10 fold even after being hit by the hit and run driver she was doing really good up until 2021 and then another traumatic event happened she has steadily gone down hill since then, to where she can no longer do anything for herself at all it has gotten to the point I am going to have to make a decision whether I continue taking care of her or I put her in a long term care facility which I told her I would never do (I do Love her) but her dementia is taking its toll on me also

as a man I was always taught you pull your boot straps up and do what needs to be done and you do not cry about it, you take care of your family, but let me tell you I have been crying a awful lot here the past months where I literally set down against a wall on the floor and break down because I have no help in caring for her and I just cannot do it any longer as it is affecting my health in the worst of ways, watching her loose a piece of herself every day it is a slow death not only for the person that has dementia but also for the people around that person, I know I am not the only one going through this with someone they love but I will tell you it is one hell of a lonely feeling when you have no one to talk to or to turn to when you need help and cant continue on, night time is the worst because she has what is known in the world of dementia as Sun downers Syndrome, with sun downers syndrome the person with dementia literally is seeing things that are not there and literally is talking to things that are not there this is an every night occurrence rite now for my wife, i am lucky if I get an hour to close my eyes each day

I need Prayers and would appreciate any and all at this time because honestly I really do not know how much more I can take of what is going on at this time in my life with my wife

So,sorry what you are going through our church has a young lady with 4 stage cancer and was going to Houston for an operation ,when out of no where her 2 year little boy was found to have a growth in his Brain .She had to cancel the operation .Her little boy is bad shape,they told her she could not cancel her operation.The dad has not worked in a month and in sad shape.Praying for you and may the lord bring a healing

 

[C.J.M.]

So,sorry what you are going through our church has a young lady with 4 stage cancer and was going to Houston for an operation ,when out of no where her 2 year little boy was found to have a growth in his Brain .She had to cancel the operation .Her little boy is bad shape,they told her she could not cancel her operation.The dad has not worked in a month and in sad shape.Praying for you and may the lord bring a healing

 

[Waterdog]

Prayers are with you and her as I know it is hard for both you and her.

 

[Mark kus]

It's a tough one and it may become more than you can do to help Her I mean a medical emergency but prayers brother.
Mark

 

[C.J.M.]

Some of you may know this and some may not but since 2011 my wife which was my girlfriend at the time she was diagnosed as being in early stages of dementia, I have been taking care of her ever since i have been her in home care giver, April of 2019 she was struck by a hit and run driver and it literally accelerated her dementia 10 fold even after being hit by the hit and run driver she was doing really good up until 2021 and then another traumatic event happened she has steadily gone down hill since then, to where she can no longer do anything for herself at all it has gotten to the point I am going to have to make a decision whether I continue taking care of her or I put her in a long term care facility which I told her I would never do (I do Love her) but her dementia is taking its toll on me also

as a man I was always taught you pull your boot straps up and do what needs to be done and you do not cry about it, you take care of your family, but let me tell you I have been crying a awful lot here the past months where I literally set down against a wall on the floor and break down because I have no help in caring for her and I just cannot do it any longer as it is affecting my health in the worst of ways, watching her loose a piece of herself every day it is a slow death not only for the person that has dementia but also for the people around that person, I know I am not the only one going through this with someone they love but I will tell you it is one hell of a lonely feeling when you have no one to talk to or to turn to when you need help and cant continue on, night time is the worst because she has what is known in the world of dementia as Sun downers Syndrome, with sun downers syndrome the person with dementia literally is seeing things that are not there and literally is talking to things that are not there this is an every night occurrence rite now for my wife, i am lucky if I get an hour to close my eyes each day

I need Prayers and would appreciate any and all at this time because honestly I really do not know how much more I can take of what is going on at this time in my life with my wife

So much hurt that we all have to go through.Life just takes its own course we just do not get out of this world without some kind of hurting.However ,there is always a chance with the help of JESUS not everyone will be heal.IF everyone one could be healed we would all lived forever. My prayers are with you