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This is especially for Butch, Mike, Wayner, Dave (who sent it to me) and especially Sunny :D

Royal

Well-known member
[attachment 13369 Frogsmile.gif]








A Senior Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas at Rock-Away Rest,
And all of us seniors were looking our best.

Our glasses, how sparkly, our wrinkles, how merry;
Our punch bowl held prune juice plus three drops of sherry.

A bed sock was taped to each walker; in hope
That Santa would bring us soft candy and soap.

We surely were lucky to be there with friends,
Secure in this residence and in our Depends.

Our grandkids had sent us some Christmassy crafts,
Like angels in snowsuits and penguins on rafts.

The dental assistant had borrowed our teeth,
And from them she'd crafted a holiday wreath.

The bedpans, so shiny, all stood in a row,
Reflecting our candle's magnificent glow.

Our supper so festive -- the joy wouldn't stop --
Was creamy warm oatmeal with sprinkles on top.

Our salad was Jell-O, so jiggly and great,
Then puree of fruitcake was spooned on each plate.

The social director then had us play games,
Like "Where Are You Living?" And "What Are Your Names?"

Old Grandfather Looper was feeling his oats,
Proclaiming that reindeer were nothing but goats.

Our resident wanderer was tied to her chair,
In hopes that at bedtime she still would be there.

Security lights on the new fallen snow
Made outdoors seem noon to the old folks below.

Then out on the porch there arose quite a clatter
But we are so deaf that it just didn't matter.

A strange little fellow flew in through the door,
Then tripped on the sill and fell flat on the floor.

'Twas just our director, all togged out in red.
He jiggled and chuckled and patted each head.

We knew from the way that he strutted and jived
Our social security checks had arrived.

We sang -- how we sang -- in our monotone croak,
Till the clock tinkled out its soft eight-p.m. stroke.

And soon we were snuggling deep in our beds.
While nurses distributed nocturnal meds.

And so ends our Christmas at Rock-Away Rest.
'fore long you'll be with us, we wish you the best.



MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!
 
hey Royal, I write u a song,

Royal, met her in a treehouse sort of pregnant;
He can still recall the hearing aid she wore;
She was drinkin' Dr. Pepper in her muu-muu,
and He knew that she would be an easy score;
He knew deep down he'd swear off booze forever;
She said to him that Rolaids made her high;
But who'd have thought she'd wind up with no clothes on;
He guessed he was too smashed to say goodbye.
 
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Julie's 69th birthday


To commemorate her 69th birthday
actress/vocalist JulieAndrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for
the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was "My
Favorite Things" from the legendary movie "Sound Of Music". However, the
lyrics of the song were deliberately changed for the entertainment of her
"blue hair" audience. Here are the lyrics she recited:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident, Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin,'
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,
when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.


Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores.
 
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