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Outhouse Races

P

pennywt

New member
Where I grew up, we had neither electricity nor running water. We did get electricity when I was 12, but the old dug well was what we used for water.
Besides. My blind great grandfather always said that an indoor outhouse must be a nasty, stinky affair.
In order for him to get to and from the toilet, without getting lost, we had strung a guide wire from the back porch to the front door of the "little shed". Pop would hook his cane on the wire and away he'd go. All in all, it was a good setup.
As the years passed, the "little shed" grew more and more decrepit and some of the lower boards rotted off the back of the building.
One summer morning, Poppa made his customary trip "out back". Little did we know, that during the night, one of our barn cats had chased something into the hole in the back and was trapped in the pit, with no way out.
My granny and I were on our second cuppa coffee, when we hear an agonized scream comin fron the toilet. Then here comes Poppa, with his pants still down, tearing up the yard and with smoke pouring out of that wooden cane, where it touched the wire, yelling something about how the Devil was in the crapper and had grabbed his privates, tryin to pull him into hades, through the hole.
As he was bleeding, granny sent me out with my rifle to confront the devil.
Poor old cat. It looked up at me all sorrowful like and gave me a pathetic "Meow". Kinda like saying "Don't bother to get me outta here..just shoot me."
I got a long stout limb and stuck it in the hile, so the poor thing could climb out.
After that, Poppa took his cane with him, inside. He'd hit the seat a few times and listen. If he heard nothing, it would be another "good day".
 
Our family was like yours with the outhouse and all and I remember Daddy had been sick for a few days and his stomach wasnt feelin too good.

One day he had to go so he did hid best to put his shoes on, but had to leave his pajamas on because he just COULDNT wait. He got half way across the apple orchard when suddenly he came to a screeching halt. He said a few choice cuss words and meandered back to the house to clean himself up!

Poor Daddy!-----Thanks for the story!

Lil Brother:)
 
Grandma "crack up" (no pun intended) behind poor, ole Pop's back? I am sure it was anything but funny to him, even though it makes a really funny story now! :surprised: I bet most of us would have reacted in just about the same way!

We did not get indoor plumbing until I was in the sixth grade. I have written about this before. There is nothing scarier than to have to use the bathroom at night! That's why mother kept a little potty inside for us girls, just in case nature called!

This was hilarious, and I bet your grandpa was laughing down at you the minute you wrote this story to share with us. Thanks for the laugh, as it has been a rather grueling week! :)
 
at one time or the other! I can see daddy now, cussin', all red in the face (not from embarressment, but from anger! This made me laugh too! ILY, :)
 
Yup. The whole family had a good laugh, but not within Poppa's hearing. He was a "man of his times" and though he cared deeply for his family, he still had something of a temper and could be more than a little mean at times.
 
I have mentioned that we had an outhouse too, back in the 40's.

The things I really rememeber about the Outhouse was the Rats for one. We always had a problem with them and if anyone thinks it is easy to relax and do your business while there are rats scurring around under your parts, you have just never experienced this.

My parents would lime the hole and use rat poison but since many of our neighbors would not do the same, we would kill our rats and they would migrate from the neighbors pits.

A guy at work told my dad the best way to get the things gone and kill them all, at least for a while. He told my dad to use the car exhaust. My dad backed the old Chevy over there and hooked a flexable hose to the exhaust and stuck the other end in a rat hole, They were all over the place.

He left the car run for a while and I am not sure what the heck happened under ground but there were no scurring rats for a while. We would hear them again and again he would hook up the hose and kill them off again. This way would get the little ones in the nests and all.

My most vivid memory is using the dang thing during the summer. I would be setting there, trying to relax and take care of business and a slight breeze would get in under the seat and tickle the hairs on my parts!! To my mind that breeze tickeling my parts was dang spiders crawling where they were not wanted.

Now to take care of business a feller has to be able to relax a bit. Just gotta be that way and you are a better man than me if you can relax with a pack of spiders crawling on your private parts. You could try to hold them as you did your business but that could be a nasty situation its ownself!

The stink could be bad I guess but we never noticed mush as I can remember because we grew up with it.

I have used them on remote Canadian lakes over the years but those dang spiders never stopped haunting me.

We used to think it was really neat around the forth of July. We would get firecrackers and light them and toss them in the pile. Man that stuff makes as fine a crater that a young boy could wnat. Makes a mess too but that was part of the fun.

One of my friends, Bob Jones, was standing on the seat one time, for what reason I can not imagine. He was looking out the little vent hole.

Somehow he fell in the dang hole to his waste. Now that was disgusting even for a young boy. I don't remember how the boy got out but he ran all the way home a squalling and to top it off, ran into his house to get symphany from Old Lady Jones. His mama. He dun dint get it!

Corse she wanted to wup his arse but he had to shuck the britches and after she hosed him off with the garden hose she wuped his arse. The kitchen needed a bit of hosing too!!
 
n/t
 
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fitters came in Canada/

I am now in Roscommon alone,screwed up as I have just gotten in from partying and things ain't good at home and I can not tell it right now. I can barely type :D As you wish. I could teach you a thing about fishing tonight!!!! :D
 
I remember the old knot holes that the girls would stuff with newspaper because we would be outside telling them we could see them. I must say, we never had a barn cat fall down into one. Your story was enjoyable, brought back some good memories...funny story. Thanks for sharing the story. Please have a great day! Kelley (Texas) :)
 
That's a good one. I'd have liked to have seen that :lmfao:

Dave
 
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