I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you're naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Utah, Set your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE Sometimes I even put it in the food.
Preserve the Spotted Owl (in formaldehyde)
When you work here, you can name your own salary. I named mine, "Pete".
money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
Don't sweat the petty things. Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you're naked in church.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Utah, Set your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE Sometimes I even put it in the food.
Preserve the Spotted Owl (in formaldehyde)
When you work here, you can name your own salary. I named mine, "Pete".
money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
Don't sweat the petty things. Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
