> Exam howlers...
>
>
>
> >This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers.
>
>
>
>
> 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
> hydraulics.
> They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of
> the
> Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
>
> 2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of
> the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
> One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"
>
> 3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
> unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses
> went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before
> he ever reached Canada.
>
> 4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
>
> 5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
> wouldn't
> have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
>
> 6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that
> name.
>
> 7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
> advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
> After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
>
> 8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the
> biscuits,
> and
> threw the java.
>
> 9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people
> Romans
> because they never stayed in one place for very long.
>
> 10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
> The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be
> made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
>
> 11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing
> the fiddle to them.
>
> 12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard
> Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice
> for the same offense.
>
> 13. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer
> of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and
> also wrote literature.
>
> 14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple
> while standing on his son's head.
>
> 15. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
> success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted
> "hurrah."
>
> 16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
> invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was
> the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
> because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis
> Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
>
> 17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He
> was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made
> much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
> tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
> Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish
> was to be laid by Juliet.
>
> 18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He
> wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
> Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
>
> 19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a
> great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the
> Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
>
> 20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called
> Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the
> settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John
> Smith was responsible for all this.
>
> 21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put
> tacks
> in
> their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post
> without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay
> for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
> Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two
> singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
> electricity
> by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against
> itself
> cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
>
> 22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
> domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the
> right to keep bare arms.
>
> 23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. His mother
> died
> in
> infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.
> Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
>
> 24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.
> Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
>
> 25. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in
> the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
>
> 26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
> large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster
> which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
> Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
> Handel was half German half
> Italian and half English. He was very large.
>
> 27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
> wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone
> was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for
> this.
>
> 28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and
> catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his
> power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any
> children.
>
> 29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire
> is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
>
> 30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63
> years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the
> final event which ended her reign.
>
> 31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
> inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
> by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers
> to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did
> the work of a hundred men.
>
> 32. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a
> naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered
> radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
>
> 33. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by
> an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
>
>
>
> >This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers.
>
>
>
>
> 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
> hydraulics.
> They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of
> the
> Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
>
> 2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of
> the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
> One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"
>
> 3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
> unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses
> went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before
> he ever reached Canada.
>
> 4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
>
> 5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
> wouldn't
> have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
>
> 6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that
> name.
>
> 7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
> advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
> After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
>
> 8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the
> biscuits,
> and
> threw the java.
>
> 9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people
> Romans
> because they never stayed in one place for very long.
>
> 10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
> The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be
> made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
>
> 11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing
> the fiddle to them.
>
> 12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard
> Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice
> for the same offense.
>
> 13. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer
> of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and
> also wrote literature.
>
> 14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple
> while standing on his son's head.
>
> 15. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
> success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted
> "hurrah."
>
> 16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
> invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was
> the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
> because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis
> Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
>
> 17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He
> was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made
> much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
> tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
> Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish
> was to be laid by Juliet.
>
> 18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He
> wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
> Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
>
> 19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a
> great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the
> Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
>
> 20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called
> Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the
> settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John
> Smith was responsible for all this.
>
> 21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put
> tacks
> in
> their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post
> without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay
> for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
> Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two
> singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
> electricity
> by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against
> itself
> cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
>
> 22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
> domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the
> right to keep bare arms.
>
> 23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. His mother
> died
> in
> infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.
> Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
>
> 24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.
> Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
>
> 25. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in
> the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
>
> 26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
> large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster
> which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
> Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
> Handel was half German half
> Italian and half English. He was very large.
>
> 27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
> wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone
> was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for
> this.
>
> 28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and
> catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his
> power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any
> children.
>
> 29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire
> is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
>
> 30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63
> years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the
> final event which ended her reign.
>
> 31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
> inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
> by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers
> to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did
> the work of a hundred men.
>
> 32. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a
> naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered
> radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
>
> 33. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by
> an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
I choked on my soda reading the last part of #18 
