>These are from potential visitors. They were posted on an
>Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual
>responses by the website officials, who obviously have a
>snide sense of humor.
>
>Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen
> it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
>A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
> watching them die.
>
>Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
>A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
>
>Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
> railroad tracks? (Sweden)
>A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
>
>Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?
> (Sweden)
>A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
>
>Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you
> send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and
> Hervey Bay? (UK)
>A: What did your last slave die of?
>
>Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
> Australia? (USA)
>A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
> Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the
> Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo
> racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
>
>Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
>A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you
> get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
>
>Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
>A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
>Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
>A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering
> Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys
> Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight
> after the hippo races. Come naked.
>
>Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
>A: You are a British politician, right?
>
>Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available
> all year round? (Germany)
>A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/
> gatherers. Milk is illegal.
>
>Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can
> dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
>A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come
> from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be
> safely handled and make good pets, especially The Taipans.
>
>Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia,
> but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in
> trees. (USA)
>A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they
> drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking
> underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself
> with human urine before you go out walking.
>
>
>Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual
>responses by the website officials, who obviously have a
>snide sense of humor.
>
>Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen
> it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
>A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
> watching them die.
>
>Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
>A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
>
>Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
> railroad tracks? (Sweden)
>A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
>
>Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?
> (Sweden)
>A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
>
>Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you
> send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and
> Hervey Bay? (UK)
>A: What did your last slave die of?
>
>Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
> Australia? (USA)
>A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
> Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the
> Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo
> racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
>
>Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
>A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you
> get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
>
>Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
>A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
>Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
>A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering
> Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys
> Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight
> after the hippo races. Come naked.
>
>Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
>A: You are a British politician, right?
>
>Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available
> all year round? (Germany)
>A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/
> gatherers. Milk is illegal.
>
>Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can
> dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
>A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come
> from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be
> safely handled and make good pets, especially The Taipans.
>
>Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia,
> but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in
> trees. (USA)
>A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they
> drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking
> underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself
> with human urine before you go out walking.
>
>