Life's Update

[SurfCutter]

I have not posted much of late , but I have a minute or two so I guess I will ramble a bit ...as you all know I am in the middle of a Divorce , not of my choice but having been given no choice I am slowly agreeing to the idea. Many have told me that things will be better in the future and to look on this as something that I will look back on as a good thing ...... time will tell .
I had my first court appearance as an involved party for the first time , I have done jury duty which I feel is a civil duty to be proud to do , so being one of the involved parties was not something I looked forward to or enjoy at all at this point. it really is ashame that money can be so much of a driving force for a person and the lengths that they will go to get it and unmindful of the hurt they do or try to do to others to get it .... I can not say I have any or very much respect left for my soon to be EX in this regard . I would never have thought she would go to the lengths she is currently going to get what she feels is due her . my greats regret is to have trusted and not verified our finances and fear it will do me in and my families heritage of over 100 years and the loss / threat to my mothers farm.
Court was spent waiting for our turn to see the judge , in that my EX wanted to get agreements in writing and to confirm a real court ordered payment of child support , something that I have paid voluntarily all along just not what she felt she wanted or felt she should have . It became very clear that she had not seen or talked with her lawyer , who if you goggle her lists her as a banking and finance , juvenile criminal law , environmental laws and building codes , no record as a divorce lawyer and is unknown to my lawyers 20 plus years of skill / practice in this field. Hope ?
Again many of the things we can agree on and when we did get together to work things out it when very quickly until money came up , well she asked for the moon , we made a fair offer based on real numbers and not some unfounded and made up numbers what hurt was we had started to talk about the coming summer and what / where the kids would be doing she claimed that due to our work schedules an that her mother who has in the past watched them and no longer able to . She felt that shipping them off to day camp was the best thing , now I agreed to it that camp was a good idea , but that my son wanted to spend time at the farm and work and where she did not have a stated figure amount or that we had agreed to how much time he would be going this was left un-agreed to except for my offer to help pay half ....my down fall ....
We then went before the judge who after hearing her lawyer and her ask for more money and to all but admit to failing to declare income for tax , (She being the by default the expert in finances having worked in this area all her life in one form or another has always had the taxes done , even to the point of signing our joint returns so maybe I am screwed either way ) to the point were she /they were told to watch what they said and that he was required by law to report to the IRS any problems ...she shut up quick ... but not before asking for a very inflated day camp amount. My lawyer counted their claims . The judge then handed down that I would pay 16 dollars more per week than what my lawyer and I offered her and a lump sum payment for day camp of $1500.00 per year ....I guess you can call it a win given what she asked for but I do not feel it .... I only hope my payment really does go for the kids and not her whims ...
On the home front a co worker has given me a cat ....I have named her Booseia (Boo- see 'a) having been a dog person most of my life a cat is something new for me and I am learning ...like when you have a young cat that has been left /abandoned for the winter that come spring you can look forward to more cats ...yup she is , choice of either a short hair orange tom or a black and white angora long haired tom , to her tortoise shell and white /brown leggings .... they will be colorful to say the least should know by the end of this month ,,,so much for fixing her anytime before this ...Any one want a kitten ?
OK so much for my ramblings and thoughts and posting the to personal ...
I am setting up a small greenhouse and already have cucumbers started still have a lot of work to do to be ready to plant this years pumpkin crop , brush clean up , fields to clean , fertilizer to buy and spread , and a bit of lime also , seeds to start hopefully in the green house and small cold frame / greenhouses to build for the giant 1000lb'ers that start at the end of this month ...busy busy busy ,,,

Bill G.

 

[Royal]

they ask for the sky and you offer what you figure you can pay. The judge will end up deciding something that will pizz you both off. Just the way it is. It will get better. Been there and dun that. Hell my child support and alimony was set up on me working 7 days a week!! I paid alimony on that for six friggin years! Our work dropped back to five and an occasional six day week but the alimony was always the same. Did it make me happy? Nope but I paid it and did not dwell on it. Screw it. Just something that had to be done.

Neither of you are gonna be happy but that is just life. The nature of the beast. I hope you are learning from it. It can be very expensive if you don't. Been there and dun that too.

Pay what you have to and don't worry about what she is doing with the child support unless she is neglecting the kids. If she is taking care of them be happy. It is very expensive to raise a kid, lots of extras and you will no see where every dime is being spent and believe me, there is an emotional price she is paying too. Just don't let it get the best of you.

There are mental services available for guys when they need it. I sure the hell took advantage of it at the time and it helped. At least someone listened and that is what you need right now. The shrink solve no problem but give you someone to vent to.

This will pass and life will go on. Just don't fall in love with the first woman that will bed you because there are thousands of them out there and not many are worth more than comfort. Give the right one a chance to come along. There will be one that just loves big pumpkins.

Good luck buddy

 

[SurfCutter]

One other thing , I have found a place to hide ,,,,, I have given in to a life long desire to play the violin and currently am taking lessons it seems to help to keep my mind off think about this @#$%^&*( thing all the time ....
Bill G.
master of the screaming cats and other noises that are hard on the ears ...LOL

 

[Royal]

the cat is making that horrible noise.

I had a buddy that was a banjo player. He decided he wanted to play a fiddle and went and bought one. He went home with it and practiced his butt off. He told me this for true and he was not known as a BS'er, even if he was from Popular Bluff Mo.

He said he got so dang frustrated because he could hardly get any sound out of it at all. He took it back to the shop that sold it to him and told them he wanted his money back. They looked at it and asked what kind of rosin he had been using. "Rosin? Said he. What is Rosin?"

No wonder he had such a quiet fiddle.

 

[WillyP]

I know it eats at your brain right now and is all you can seem to think about and you probably don't need to hear, "things will get better" again, so.........
How are your children holding up? That is the million dollar question. Money comes.....money goes, but the pain and confusion the children go through is
heartbreaking to say the least. My daughter and son are 26 and 23 and I can still see the scars of divorce. Especially in my daughters eyes. My son
watched me closely and worked hard to be "tough" like the old man. But I still see it in thier eyes from time to time. Like I said before, don't talk about their
mom around them! Don't say anything if you can't say something nice about her to them. You have new tasks added to your "Daddy" duties now and those are
emotional support and stability for your children. They are ALL that count and your strife pales in comparsion to what they are going through. How you deal with
this, I'm sure, will ultimately free you but not them. They have no "out" or "do over" in this. I only hope it goes well enough that you don't have to "think" you
saw pain in their eyes 18 years after the fact. Good luck in this and keep your forum pals posted. If nothing else we can be good ears.

 

[Rob/Windsor Ont.]

n/t

 

[Micheal_R]

n/t

 

[Micheal_R]

You take care Bill... We are with you, even if it is in spirit only, in this time.

Calm seas

Mikie

 

[Ron J]

Too many women rely on keeping the kids which in turn supports them also. No matter what, think of the kids!

 

[SurfCutter]

The kids are hanging tough, but I know that they are hurt buy all this , ...I have been very careful about what I say and so far I have not slipped up by saying anything that would cast my EX in a bad light or what my feelings are if they are negative. What is hard on me and my son is the possible one sided treatment she , or it appears to be to him and myself between my son and daughter but again I am not there to see if it is true or not ....I fully understand what and how I act and what they see , hear , etc etc can and will do for both them and myself in the future ....I can only be the best me I can be I hope that it is good enough for all of us ....
Bill G.

 

[Wayne in BC]

my circumstance was a bit different and not to be discussed here. Suffice to say that i gladly would have taken the role of bad guy if i could have and given my girls a mother they could respect. I still see it in their hearts and eyes like Willy said.
Hang on Bill.