Vernon in Virginia~Formerly Alaska
New member
#1
A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried to use
octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of
these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the
other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park , jumped and hit the
pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators
think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length
of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance
between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the
apparent cause of death was "Major trauma." OR, as I like to call him; "Math Challenged!"
#2
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they
had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of
the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to
three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright''
by his peers.
Now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin Award
(awarded, as always, posthumously):
#3
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a
curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it
was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police
investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket
scientist... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take
Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military
transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields.
He had d riven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long,
straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped
in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0
miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and
melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of
350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces
usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5
miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted
the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the
road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and
impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened
crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not
recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were
extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed
from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground
speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not
actually on the ground.... Oh DUDE!
A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried to use
octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of
these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the
other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park , jumped and hit the
pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators
think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length
of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance
between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the
apparent cause of death was "Major trauma." OR, as I like to call him; "Math Challenged!"
#2
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they
had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of
the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to
three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright''
by his peers.
Now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin Award
(awarded, as always, posthumously):
#3
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a
curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it
was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police
investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket
scientist... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take
Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military
transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields.
He had d riven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long,
straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped
in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0
miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and
melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of
350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces
usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5
miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted
the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the
road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and
impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened
crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not
recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were
extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed
from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground
speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not
actually on the ground.... Oh DUDE!
