I have seen it before but still think it is funny as heck
Supposedly true air traffic control conversations,
though I suspect a little poetic license........
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6
miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital
watches!"
****
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45
Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much
noise can we make
up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes
when it hits a
727?"
****
Heard from an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long
takeoff queue: "I'm
f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft
transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not
f...ing stupid!"
****
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy,
your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles,
Eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted
to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
***
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an
exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San
Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right
turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you
are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway
101, make a right at the lights and return to the
airport."
***
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a
priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter
was running "a bit peaked". Air Traffic Control told
the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52
that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot
remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
****
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in
Munich, overheard
the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start
clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must
speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a
German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful
British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war!"
***
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact
Departure on
frequency 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702
switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on
the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind
Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did
you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for
takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've
already notified our caterers."
***
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are
renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect
one to know one's gate parking location, but how to
get there without any assistance from them. So it was
with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to
the following exchange between Frankfurt ground
control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird
206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of
active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to
a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are
going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our
gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird
206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it
was dark, and I didn't land."
Supposedly true air traffic control conversations,
though I suspect a little poetic license........
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6
miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital
watches!"
****
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45
Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much
noise can we make
up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes
when it hits a
727?"
****
Heard from an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long
takeoff queue: "I'm
f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft
transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not
f...ing stupid!"
****
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy,
your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles,
Eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted
to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
***
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an
exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San
Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right
turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you
are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway
101, make a right at the lights and return to the
airport."
***
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a
priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter
was running "a bit peaked". Air Traffic Control told
the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52
that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot
remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
****
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in
Munich, overheard
the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start
clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must
speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a
German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful
British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war!"
***
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact
Departure on
frequency 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702
switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on
the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind
Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did
you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for
takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've
already notified our caterers."
***
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are
renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect
one to know one's gate parking location, but how to
get there without any assistance from them. So it was
with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to
the following exchange between Frankfurt ground
control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird
206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of
active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to
a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are
going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our
gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird
206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it
was dark, and I didn't land."