Wayne in BC
New member
Last weekend at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt
pocket/purse-sized taser.
The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
adverse affect on an assailant. The idea is to allow my wife -- who would
never consider a gun --adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL!!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded in two AAA
batteries and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed.
But then I read (yes, 'read') that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a
metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and
forth between the prongs and I'd know it was working. Awesome!!! (Actually, I
have yet to explain to wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave).
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be
all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while
I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a
flesh and blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was
going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some
assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately
on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said
that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst
would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst
longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
So, I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say,
"don't do it," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt
all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF G--,
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!@*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and
body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking
up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on
fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position,
and tingling in my legs. You should know, if you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser,
that there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of
that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing
at that point), I collected what little wits I had left, sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading
glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and
both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles!! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock, Rob
something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt
pocket/purse-sized taser.
The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
adverse affect on an assailant. The idea is to allow my wife -- who would
never consider a gun --adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL!!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded in two AAA
batteries and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed.
But then I read (yes, 'read') that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a
metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and
forth between the prongs and I'd know it was working. Awesome!!! (Actually, I
have yet to explain to wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave).
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be
all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while
I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a
flesh and blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was
going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some
assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately
on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said
that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst
would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst
longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
So, I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say,
"don't do it," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt
all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF G--,
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!@*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and
body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking
up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on
fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position,
and tingling in my legs. You should know, if you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser,
that there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of
that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing
at that point), I collected what little wits I had left, sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading
glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and
both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles!! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock, Rob
that is a great idea to protect her !
