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How 'bout a joke :D

C

Craig in Alabama

New member
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Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua. But on each
run, he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner,
day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he
approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!" she would shout from the curb.

"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton .


This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days.

He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!"

And he'd yell back,"Five dollars!"

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband
on
his jog. As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill
realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what
he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He realized he should have
a darn good explanation for the junior Senator.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill
became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker. Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five
bucks?"
 
Two Auburn golfers hit nice drives down the middle of the fairway. When they arrived at their balls, the first one was getting ready to hit, and the second one said, "Wait, that's my ball." The other said "No, it's mine. I'm playing a Titliest 1". The first one said "I'm playing a Titliest 1, also". So they argued for a few minutes, and finally a Bama golfer was walking in the next fairway, and the auburn guys asked him to come over. They explained what had happened and asked him to make the call and that they would go with whatever ruling he made. So, the Bama golfer looks down at the two Titliest 1 golf balls, and then quickly ask, "Which one of you is playing the yellow ball?"
 
There was this AU teacher who was yelling at his class because they were so incredibly lazy, "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% of you flunk this math class," he said. One of the students put up his hand. "But professor, there aren't that many in this class," he said.
 
An Auburn Man goes to Georgia and buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Columbus to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number. The Aubie says "I want my $20 million." To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." The Aubie said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it." Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The Aubie, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million "right now," THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!
 
An Auburn Football Player and his date are walking along in a park. His date says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The Auburn Player stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
 
Talking to athletic director David Housel, "Dave, I need a raise," Tommy Tubberville pleaded.
"Hell, Coach," he shrugged, "We just hired you, and you make more money than the entire English department. How can I justify giving you a raise?"

"I'll show you what I have to put up with," the coach replied, opening the office door and calling in Demontray Carter, the team's star tailback. "Son," the coach said to the player, "run over to my office and see if I'm there."

"Sure, Coach." Twenty minutes later, the winded athlete returned. "No, sir, Coach,"
he panted, "you ain't there."

Thanking the player and sending him back to practice, the coach turned to the Housel and asked, "Now do you understand?"

"I sure do," he agreed. "The dumb sob could have phoned."
 
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