Greg (E.Tn)
Well-known member
I promised some people on the Views forum I would tell this story, so here it is.
First my disclaimer: Even though I do not have firsthand knowledge, I believe this story to be true, because of later information received that supports it. Also, I know the original storyteller, and he didn't make it up, 'cause he was laughing so hard tears were literally coming out of his eyes when he told it.
So here goes:
There used to be a bar/nightclub in Knoxville called, "Hoorays", named for the owner, whose name will remain anonymous. He moved up here from Florida in the '80's and now is probably pushing 70 years of age. His trademark was wearing a sailor's cap and a Cockatoo on his shoulder as a surveyed the goings on at his bar. Real colorful fellow............
But I digress.........................................
I became good friends with him when he opened his business, but his closest friend was "JJ", a local veteran law enforcement officer with a great sense of humor and wit.
Well, a few years ago I ran into JJ and he said, "Man, I got to tell you this story, it's great!" He was already laughing so hard in anticipation to telling the story that I started laughing too--at him.
Anyway--he and Hooray had been to the local fair (TVA and I Fair) which stops in Knoxville each fall, and since both of them were a LITTLE too old to ride the rides, they walked around the fairgrounds, sampling the candied apples, funnel cakes, cotton candy, etc.
Soon, Hooray became bored. He turned to JJ and said, "Let's go look at the Tattooed Lady."
JJ replied, "They don't have stuff like that at the fairs anymore."
"What about the two headed cow?"
"Nope"
"Snake boy?"
"Nope."
"Gorilla Man?"
"Nope."
So exasperated, Hooray asks, "Well, let's go watch them fight the monkey then...."
So JJ asked what that was all about, and Hooray laughed and told this story........................................................
Hooray went to the University of Florida back in the 60's, and one day he was at a local county carnival and they had an exhibit set up where you could pay a $10 entry fee and get in a cage and fight a monkey. If you lasted a minute without getting your butt kicked, you won a $100.
Hooray was SLIGHTLY intoxicated when he handed the carney his ten bucks. He received a football helmet in return.
"What's this for?" he asked, perplexed.
"Insurance purposes," was the reply. (That should have been a hint)
Well, he strapped the helmet on, entered the cage and heard the door clang shut behind him. Facing him was a big chimpanzee (or orangutan, I dis remember which---anyway, it was a BIG monkey)
So, he hauled of and hit it in the head as hard as he could, wanting to be a real bad-arse-- thinking to end the fight soon. but next thing he noticed, the monkey was gone.
He got to looking around, and noticed the monkey was leaping all around the cage in a circle--left side, ceiling, right side, floor--going round and round and round--and Hooray's head spun round and round too as he tried to keep up w/ the monkey....
And before he knew it, the monkey leaped on him and wrapped its legs around his arms and torso, pinning him tightly.
"That damm monkey was strong, too," Hooray told JJ.
Well, the monkey reached up with one of its hands and peeled that helmet off his head like you'd peel a grape and began beating him with it, all over his head and face. Hooray was running around the inside of the cage, yelling for help, trying to get away from a big monkey that was wrapped all around him, beating his head with a football helmet, only he couldn't get away, because he had a monkey wrapped around him beating his head off with a football helmet.....................
But suddenly, it just stopped, and the door of the cage opened.
As Hooray staggered out, people were laughing, hooting, and hollering at him, as his nose bled and his eyes swelled shut.
When he finally made it back to the Dorm (I don't know how) his roommate asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
When Hooray explained that a monkey at the fair had beat the Shiite out of him, his roommate got real mad and demanded that Hooray go with him to the fair to "make things right." His roommate was REALLY mad, and Hooray was kinda scared, because his roommate was a linebacker for the University of Florida, and when he got mad, he got violent.
So they went back to the fair, Hooray trying to talk his friend out of doing it, and his friend getting madder and madder. But by the time they got to the fair, Hooray had finally convinced his friend that the monkey was REALLY a bad-arse, and they needed a "strategy."
So here's what they came up with:
Linebacker guy would get in the cage with the monkey, duck and dodge like Muhammad Ali, and run the clock out, win the money, and they'd go home heroes with $100 in their pocket.
But Hooray, said, whatever you do, do NOT put that doggone football helmet on.
Anyway, they got to the fair, Linebacker guy payed his entry fee and they handed the helmet to him. There was a lot of arguing then--he insisted he didn't need it--they insisted he HAD to wear it, for, you know................................
"Insurance Purposes."
Linebacker guy finally strapped the helmet on and entered the arena, and the cage door clanked shut behind him. Now Hooray:
" My buddy stood there awhile, watching the monkey, and it just sat there watching him. Then my buddy started shuffling left and right, kind of like a boxer does, dancing around the ring, and the Monkey pretty much just sat there, watching him, not doing nothing. I was keeping time with my watch, and after 30 seconds had gone by, I figured we had the money in the bag. That's when I looked over at the Carney running the event.
"He had a stop watch in his hand. He was keeping time, too. Then I saw him reach into his pocket and pull out a big whistle."
Hooray said, "I knew when he pulled that whistle out that SOMETHING was getting ready to happen."
Well, the carney blew the whistle, and next thing he knew, Hooray said that Monkey started leaping all around the cage, going round and round, and there stood his roommate, Linebacker Guy, head swiveling round and round, watching the monkey, then it leaped on him, wrapped itself all over and around Linebacker Guy, peeled that helmet off, and beat the living daylights out of him with it, to the delight and amusement of the crowd.
So that's the end of the story, at least the known part. What I never did hear about was what story did Hooray and Linebacker Guy told when they went to class the next Monday, faces all bruised, eyes puffed up, etc.. Probably something like, "There were at least eight of them, I swear......"
First my disclaimer: Even though I do not have firsthand knowledge, I believe this story to be true, because of later information received that supports it. Also, I know the original storyteller, and he didn't make it up, 'cause he was laughing so hard tears were literally coming out of his eyes when he told it.
So here goes:
There used to be a bar/nightclub in Knoxville called, "Hoorays", named for the owner, whose name will remain anonymous. He moved up here from Florida in the '80's and now is probably pushing 70 years of age. His trademark was wearing a sailor's cap and a Cockatoo on his shoulder as a surveyed the goings on at his bar. Real colorful fellow............
But I digress.........................................
I became good friends with him when he opened his business, but his closest friend was "JJ", a local veteran law enforcement officer with a great sense of humor and wit.
Well, a few years ago I ran into JJ and he said, "Man, I got to tell you this story, it's great!" He was already laughing so hard in anticipation to telling the story that I started laughing too--at him.
Anyway--he and Hooray had been to the local fair (TVA and I Fair) which stops in Knoxville each fall, and since both of them were a LITTLE too old to ride the rides, they walked around the fairgrounds, sampling the candied apples, funnel cakes, cotton candy, etc.
Soon, Hooray became bored. He turned to JJ and said, "Let's go look at the Tattooed Lady."
JJ replied, "They don't have stuff like that at the fairs anymore."
"What about the two headed cow?"
"Nope"
"Snake boy?"
"Nope."
"Gorilla Man?"
"Nope."
So exasperated, Hooray asks, "Well, let's go watch them fight the monkey then...."
So JJ asked what that was all about, and Hooray laughed and told this story........................................................
Hooray went to the University of Florida back in the 60's, and one day he was at a local county carnival and they had an exhibit set up where you could pay a $10 entry fee and get in a cage and fight a monkey. If you lasted a minute without getting your butt kicked, you won a $100.
Hooray was SLIGHTLY intoxicated when he handed the carney his ten bucks. He received a football helmet in return.
"What's this for?" he asked, perplexed.
"Insurance purposes," was the reply. (That should have been a hint)
Well, he strapped the helmet on, entered the cage and heard the door clang shut behind him. Facing him was a big chimpanzee (or orangutan, I dis remember which---anyway, it was a BIG monkey)
So, he hauled of and hit it in the head as hard as he could, wanting to be a real bad-arse-- thinking to end the fight soon. but next thing he noticed, the monkey was gone.
He got to looking around, and noticed the monkey was leaping all around the cage in a circle--left side, ceiling, right side, floor--going round and round and round--and Hooray's head spun round and round too as he tried to keep up w/ the monkey....
And before he knew it, the monkey leaped on him and wrapped its legs around his arms and torso, pinning him tightly.
"That damm monkey was strong, too," Hooray told JJ.
Well, the monkey reached up with one of its hands and peeled that helmet off his head like you'd peel a grape and began beating him with it, all over his head and face. Hooray was running around the inside of the cage, yelling for help, trying to get away from a big monkey that was wrapped all around him, beating his head with a football helmet, only he couldn't get away, because he had a monkey wrapped around him beating his head off with a football helmet.....................
But suddenly, it just stopped, and the door of the cage opened.
As Hooray staggered out, people were laughing, hooting, and hollering at him, as his nose bled and his eyes swelled shut.
When he finally made it back to the Dorm (I don't know how) his roommate asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
When Hooray explained that a monkey at the fair had beat the Shiite out of him, his roommate got real mad and demanded that Hooray go with him to the fair to "make things right." His roommate was REALLY mad, and Hooray was kinda scared, because his roommate was a linebacker for the University of Florida, and when he got mad, he got violent.
So they went back to the fair, Hooray trying to talk his friend out of doing it, and his friend getting madder and madder. But by the time they got to the fair, Hooray had finally convinced his friend that the monkey was REALLY a bad-arse, and they needed a "strategy."
So here's what they came up with:
Linebacker guy would get in the cage with the monkey, duck and dodge like Muhammad Ali, and run the clock out, win the money, and they'd go home heroes with $100 in their pocket.
But Hooray, said, whatever you do, do NOT put that doggone football helmet on.
Anyway, they got to the fair, Linebacker guy payed his entry fee and they handed the helmet to him. There was a lot of arguing then--he insisted he didn't need it--they insisted he HAD to wear it, for, you know................................
"Insurance Purposes."
Linebacker guy finally strapped the helmet on and entered the arena, and the cage door clanked shut behind him. Now Hooray:
" My buddy stood there awhile, watching the monkey, and it just sat there watching him. Then my buddy started shuffling left and right, kind of like a boxer does, dancing around the ring, and the Monkey pretty much just sat there, watching him, not doing nothing. I was keeping time with my watch, and after 30 seconds had gone by, I figured we had the money in the bag. That's when I looked over at the Carney running the event.
"He had a stop watch in his hand. He was keeping time, too. Then I saw him reach into his pocket and pull out a big whistle."
Hooray said, "I knew when he pulled that whistle out that SOMETHING was getting ready to happen."
Well, the carney blew the whistle, and next thing he knew, Hooray said that Monkey started leaping all around the cage, going round and round, and there stood his roommate, Linebacker Guy, head swiveling round and round, watching the monkey, then it leaped on him, wrapped itself all over and around Linebacker Guy, peeled that helmet off, and beat the living daylights out of him with it, to the delight and amusement of the crowd.
So that's the end of the story, at least the known part. What I never did hear about was what story did Hooray and Linebacker Guy told when they went to class the next Monday, faces all bruised, eyes puffed up, etc.. Probably something like, "There were at least eight of them, I swear......"
