A
Anonymous
Guest
This has been around a while, you might have seen it. I just received it again and thought it worthy to be passed on:
Division of the human family into two distinct groups began some 12,000
years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and
would go to the beach and live on fish in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented by Man to
get to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives. Once beer was
discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can was invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for
them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what became
known as the "Conservative Movement".
Other men, who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
"Liberal Movement". Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as "girlie men".
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the trade union, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide up the meat and the
beer that the conservatives were providing. Over the years,
conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land
animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer, (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting, revolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than liberal men. Most social workers,
personal injury lawyers, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood, and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals also invented the Designated Hitter
Rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, and eat red meat and potatoes.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works
productively outside of government. Conservatives who own companies
employ other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little, or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed, and created a business of
trying to get MORE for nothing.
This ends today's History lesson....
Division of the human family into two distinct groups began some 12,000
years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and
would go to the beach and live on fish in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented by Man to
get to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives. Once beer was
discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can was invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for
them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what became
known as the "Conservative Movement".
Other men, who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
"Liberal Movement". Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as "girlie men".
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the trade union, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide up the meat and the
beer that the conservatives were providing. Over the years,
conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land
animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer, (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting, revolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than liberal men. Most social workers,
personal injury lawyers, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood, and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals also invented the Designated Hitter
Rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, and eat red meat and potatoes.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works
productively outside of government. Conservatives who own companies
employ other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little, or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed, and created a business of
trying to get MORE for nothing.
This ends today's History lesson....
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