not being able to even buy one toy or gift for each of my 2 boys for Christmas when they were growing up. When I felt the worst is when God showed me He was still there. Even though they were not able to get something from me there was someone who had the means and provided them both with a very expensive and fun toy for each of them. Back then I wasn't as 'religious' so said "See there is a Santa Claus". Now I know that Santa has a real name and it is God.
On many occassions I had made plans to do things with my family and felt I had let them down each time the plans had to change because of a lack of money until I made no plansat all. No plans - no expectations - I had no hurt feelings because I didn't make promises and then failed to keep them.
Sad way to live with nothing to look forward to each day - day after day, week after week, month after month and then year after year. Was this the way God wanted me to live?
I never asked God for anything. I never did anything for God - include tithe or praise Him or seek Him. I just felt bad I couldn't do more for the kids or even for myself. I depended on myself. Never casted my cares on Him. Never beieved God would do anything for me - after all why should He? What had I done for Him? I still found money to buy a computer. Found money to support my drinking habit. Found money to buy computer programs and run a bulletin board service for 'adults only'. Found money to support my addiction to smokeless tobacco. Yet I couldn't be bothered to find time for God or find money to put into His storehouse.
I praise God and His grace for setting me free of those sins. One song that I have heard and the name of it eludes me right now but it says "I'd rather have a shack built on the Rock then to have a mansion on the sand" (or something very similar to that).
The greatest gift anyone can give another is the gift of God's love and the best gift to receive is Jesus as Lord and Saviour. If you've lead your children to Christ then they are indeed blessed. If, like myself, I cared more for me than others and my children - now grown adults - one knows Christ and the other can't be bothered. I didn't do my job as a Dad to lead them to Christ. To me, that is worse than never having been able to give them 'earthly' gifts.
I don't know if this helped any Jeff. I will pray for God to help you not only with financial matters but for wisdom and understanding.