Geezer Valentine story ....

[Ed SW Fla]

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store on a Valentines Day evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a$5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.

"There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

 

[copperhead]

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[Ed SW Fla]

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[Vernon in Virginia~Formerly Alaska]

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles.
Coincidentally, by chance, while checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons containing hundreds of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.
Peter, Paul and Hank all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The reverend knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about Hank. Hank was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor little Hank stuttered very badly. But, not wanting to discourage poor Hank, the reverend decided to let him try anyway.
He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to- door selling efforts the following Sunday.
Anxious to find out how successful they were, the reverend immediately asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?"
Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Father, using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."
"Fine job, Peter!" The reverend said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."
Turning to Paul, he asked "And Paul, how many bibles did you manage to sell for the church last week?"
Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied,"Reverend, I am a professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected."
The reverend responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you."
Apprehensively, the reverend turned to little Hank and said, "And Hank, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?"
Hank silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The reverend opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the reverend exclaimed. "Hank, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?
Hank just nodded.
That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could."
"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the reverend agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to do accomplish this, Hank."
Hank shrugged. "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Hank, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"
" A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Hank replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?"

 

[Brandon/ny]

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[Craig in Alabama]

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[Vernon in Virginia~Formerly Alaska]

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