Deep thoughts:blink: ..........................

[Wayne in BC]

THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY...

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15 WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE "S" IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

 

[VT Dave]

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[Royal]

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that
everyone has clipped
onto their belt or purse.


I can't afford one.


So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people
didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer
cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still
have something on the ball,
but you are just too tired to bounce it.'

I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it
'Pumping Rust.'

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is
falling into your drawers!

I know, when people see a cat's litter box,




they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'




Just once I want to say,




'No, it's for company!'

Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of
an emergency.'




I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor!'

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?




What are we supposed to do... write to these men?




Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen
could look for them
while they deliver the mail?




Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older. Then, it
dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.










' Enjoy Your Days .&. Love Your Life'
Because ;;;
' Life is a journey to be savored'

 

[Micheal_R]

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[david(tx)]

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[WillyP]

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[ojm bc]

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[VT Dave]

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[Sunny]

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[ojm bc]

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[Silverstar_Lawman]

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[Sunny]

my best friend buys me Tshirts from time to time, just to let me know she will never forget! I had a Tshirt from her with #2 written on it. Wonder what happened to the tshirt??? Man, that stuff is just poison!

 

[Sunny]

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