BANNED FROM WAL-MART
This is why women should not take men shopping against
their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found
shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she
loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
letter from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing
quite a commotion
in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have
been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go
off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. '
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows
and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as
a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13.. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least .
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet
paper in here!'
This is why women should not take men shopping against
their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found
shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she
loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following
letter from the local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing
quite a commotion
in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have
been forced to ban
both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go
off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official voice, Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. '
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows
and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as
a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13.. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least .
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet
paper in here!'