Advice ;please-How to deal with "Christmas with The Cranks":surrender:.............

[boomers dad]

Im needin some help with this one.Every Christmas my wife and I are at her parents,and EVERY YEAR;we(!??) have to deal with Mr.Pessimism-My mother in law isnt so bad,but father in law sees the ABSOLUTE WORST in everything-The weather,the Salvation Army,the Christmas season and EVERYTHING to do with it,and YOU NAME IT,he grouses about it....................and when he runs out of things to carp about,he will start in on ME-what I say,do,wear,the way I act,being unemployed,ad infinitum,ad nauseum..............They are both retired,bills are paid,NEVER seen them go hungry,yet he is the MOST uncaring,ungrateful,unhappy man Ive ever seen.HELP!!!!!-Ive dealt with this for as long as Ive been with my wife;and ITS GETTIN OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I go there with good intentions;and when I wont go along with his crude sexual comments about women on TV or lettin the homeless starve,or anything else he bad-mouths;Im the enemy.WHAT DO I DO???HELP!!!,because its gettin really aggravating to have to listen to him bad-mouth me and everything else,and if I respond like I want to,it will only make a touchy situation worse,'cause I will be the trouble-maker(Ive already been called that more than once in this situation)-The only thing Ive heard about the way he acts is"ITS JUST THE WAY HE IS",and NO,its NOT dementia.And not going is not an option,either-they DO need my help with snow blowing,etc.........-I JUST WISH the bad-mouthing would end,and we could enjoy the CHRISTmas season......................

 

[Mike from MI "Iron Brigade"]

WWJD??? Love him, and pray for him. Let go and let God. You just be your Christian self and P.U.S.H. (Pray Until Something Happens)
God will get you through any situation, and if that means not being around him, maybe that will help?

 

[Anonymous]

I agree with Mike in MI.....it is difficult to be loving and kind to those who make you ill and sick with their ways, especially when they run you down and you don't deserve it....But ya gotta remember he is a miserable man and he causes his wife to be miserable, too! Just think about it, as she lives with him all the time, so look them in the eyes and say, Jesus loves you and so do I...will it be easy? NO...but if you can't do that than go into your prayer closet and pray for them both and ask God to help you to say and do what you need to do to help them in the situation of mouth-mouthing others and calling them names and actually they (he) is transposing his own ways onto you to make himself feel better...but it doesn't, for he is a very unhappy man, who needs Jesus and until he repents and submits himself, fully, unto the Lord...he will continue to be a muserable and unhappy man!

Show him the love of Jesus through your heart and when the heat gets too hot...just walk away and go somewhere to cool off and pray for Jesus' help in the situation! God understands and He will be right there with you....by your putting it all in His hands! I know of what I speak, as I have been through a lot with my ex and his mistress lying to and deceiving his family, some of mine and our children and grandchildren! It hurts me in what they are doing...but only God through our Lord Jesus Christ can make the changes in their hearts! Been over 20 years and not much change...but God is patient and long-suffering in that none should perish but that all should come to repentance of their sins....just wish my flesh was as patient and long-suffering, too! May God Bless you and your wife to have peace with her parents with God doing a miracle through your patience, love and understanding for Christmas get-together! Don't give up Jesus has risen and He is still on His throne...the Ruler over all things...even though satan might be allowed to rule the world as of now .....he is and will be defeated in the end! Stay strong in faith and let not your father-in-law allow you to sink to his level, for if he does then you would have to climb even higher again to get out of the pit satan wants us all to be in with its darkness and sorrows! Amen! Ma Betty

 

[BARKER]

You flat out TELL him what you think then if he bad mouth's you again just simply get up and WALK OUT. Married or not you do NOT have to allow him to treat you like that PERIOD. If they want you over just to do work for them then DON"T GO. OR you tell them point blank to hire a Contractor. Guess what, I'm no scrooge but if your wife blames you then you tell her that she can go by herself from now on. That way they will never have a bad thing to say about you directly again. Basically you remove yourself from the picture. If your wife doesn't like that guess what, She will get over it. You tell her EXACTLY what your thinking and feeling, like being USED, and treated like dirt for your efforts.. If they start treating her like that maybe she WILL stop going herself and actually see your side of this. No matter what though there is no reason to allow ANYONE to treat you like that. My Father was the same way only he actually got physical and try as I might to walk away he'd keep coming until one day I actually decked him. I'm not suggesting you do that but I reached my breaking point to.Strange thing is that after I decked him he actually started treating me with respect. He realized I was not kidding anymore and I was not going to ALLOW him to treat me that way anymore. I'd had it.!!!!!!!! Maybe if you stand your ground against him NO MATTER WHAT he may change as well. I think I can promise you that if you DON'T STAND YOUR GROUND then it will NEVER stop and as time passes it will get WORSE. It's your choice not mine but I'm telling you flat out from my own experience that it IS the only thing he will understand. If he don't like it then to bad. Those sex jokes are a symbol of his hatred of your Faith in Christ and he is belittling you AND your wife. There is NO GREY AREA here ok. Either you do it or you don't. It's your choice but be aware that I did tell you so.!!!!! While your at it say some prayers for him AND yourself to calm down ok. If your wife INSISTS then you tell her to go by herself as well. Lastly, Don't try to tell me that NOT GOING is NOT AN OPTION. That is bologna. It is an OPTION and you NEED to use it ok. Enough is enough, PERIOD. If I sound a bit harsh your right. Also do not stand there thinking that maybe if I pray more, or harder, or preach to him more. SORRY BUT HE AIN"T A LISTENING.!!!!! So don't beat yourself up over it and give him and SATAN the satisfaction. That just plain bugs me to no end given my own past dealings with the EXACT same thing ok.Good Luck and let us know how you make out. PEACE:RONB

 

[BARKER]

you as a Christian MUST pay for him and his wife. Pray that GOD will heal him. Then let GOD do it NOT YOU ok. You have enough on your own plate. You don't need to eat his CROW either.!!!!!!!! PEACE:RONB

 

[boomers dad]

n/t

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Barker, I think you misread Steve's post as it is his mother-in-law who isn't quite as pessimistic as his father-in-law! He doesn't say anything about his wife one way or another concerning his problem with them! He could get his father-in-law's attention first by doing what you say, if he has never done this and then pray for him and be nice to them for his wife's sake! I am sure she understands where Steve is coming from and isn't going against him, as she seems to be rather agreeable to him most of the time!

I had a father and have an ex husband who I would have liked to have told off...but I was too meek, naive, mild and scared years ago and, now, that I am brave enough and wiser, I don't have the opportunity, as neither of us say anything when we do have to see each other at weddings and funerals for the kids sake...just ignore each other and keep the peace that way! Otherwise, I do my best to stay away from him and I won't go near her if at all possible and haven't so far! When we pray for sinners, they will get nastier to us and worse because satan is trying to keep them with him, while God through our prayers is moving them toward the Kingdom and like stubborn mules they balk and make life miserable for everyone around them! May God Bless! Amen! Ma Betty

 

[steve in so la]

you or him ? Answer that and you will have your answer. steve in so az

 

[Mike Chgo area]

n/t