Kelley (Texas)
New member
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted
to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of North Carolina."
And they say blondes are dumb....
_______________________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you...."
_______________________
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
_______________________
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to
make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
______________________
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea. You stand by the ironing
board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
_______________________
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery
money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
______________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.
_______________________
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating
their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a good fairy came
to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she
would grant each of them a very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her
hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger.
Whoosh! Immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
__________________
A PRAYER
Dear Lord,
I pray for
Wisdom - to understand my man;
Love - to forgive him;
And Patience - for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted
to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of North Carolina."
And they say blondes are dumb....
_______________________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you...."
_______________________
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
_______________________
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to
make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
______________________
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea. You stand by the ironing
board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
_______________________
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery
money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
______________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.
_______________________
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating
their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a good fairy came
to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she
would grant each of them a very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her
hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger.
Whoosh! Immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
__________________
A PRAYER
Dear Lord,
I pray for
Wisdom - to understand my man;
Love - to forgive him;
And Patience - for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
